DEALING WITH PAINFUL INTERCOURSE

Sex Doesn't Have to Be Painful! You Can Decrease the Intensity and Duration of Your Pain.

This article has been written under the assumption that you've read the article Sex and Vulvar Vestibulitis. So, if you have either a) done what I suggested and are now progressing on to having sex or b) ignored my advice and are having sex anyways (don't worry, I'm not offended) there are several pain management techniques that can help make it a smoother, less painful process.

1) Relax Your Mind Even if you've alleviated most of the baggage associated with having sex, you'll probably be feeling a bit of anxiety reemerge as you get back to having sex.

So first, ask yourself if you really want to or are just doing it out of guilt. If it's guilt, it's time to head back over to your partner for another chat. However, if you find that you really do want to have sex, then the best thing to do is to relax.

There are several ways to do this when it comes to having less painful intercourse. Make sure you feel totally comfortable in your environrment and that you have ample time to do whatever it is you want to do (quickies + Vuvlar Vestibulitis = pain). Do whatever makes you feel happy and stress-free such as a shower together, cuddling, or even watching tv. The relaxation should get your body into a good state of being.

Next, it's best to tackle your thoughts. The things that seems to work best for most women is to have a plan of action against the pain. That way, when negative, anxiety-inducing thoughts start cropping into your mind, you can beat them back with the reassuring thought that you know how to deal with the problem. Whenever you feel anxious, go over your plan to elimiate pain.

2) Prepare Your first line of defense when it come to pain is Lidocaine (or any other 'caine' medications that your doctor prescribed for numbing the afflicted area). It should be used about 10 minutes prior to intercourse. The easiest way to use it is to ask for the liquid (not gel) version of lidocaine (2%-5%) and soak a cotton ball in it. Then insert the cotton ball into the opening of your vagina for several minutes or until numb.

The longer the lidocaine stays on your skin, the better it will work so don't put it on and then do anything that would have it rub off. Keep the lidocaine by your bed so that you can reapply as necessary.

Next, make sure your your lubricant is also by your bed. The less friction you place on the inflamed/irritated skin, the better.

3) Foreplay Now that you're starting to be ready mentally and physically for some action, it's important to get going with lots of foreplay. You'll start to feel good both about having sex again and you're body will adjust accordingly.

It's of vital importance for pain management that you're well lubricated so you need both lots of foreplay and and lots of lubricant (out of the two, I'd say foreplay is most important). Ask for whatever you need to get warmed up (note: if you're into oral sex, you might have to hold off on the lidocaine for a bit or end up with a partner with a numb mouth).

Many women have found that it helps to get used to penetration again by starting off with fingers or toys before getting to the real deal.

4) Lubricate, Lubricate, and then Lubricate some more Well, the title pretty much speaks for it but I do have some suggestions for what lubricants work best. As a general rule, always buy water-based and unscented lubricants. You want to go for as natural of a product as you can to limit exposure to harsh chemicals.

The best lubricants that I have found are:

* Carrageenan Personal Lubricants
* Yes Organic Personal lubricant (water-based only)
* Good Clean Love
* Wet Original (it really is last on the list but it's the one you'll find the easiest)

There are also options for totally natural lubricants (these are for those of you who are very sensitive to chemicals in products):

* Coconut oil
* almond oil
* olive oil (my problem with this one is smelling like a stir-fry but it works like a charm for some women)

5) Choose positions that work for you This problem is kind of fun to deal with since you get to experiment until you find the positions that allow you to have the most amount of pleasure with the least amount of pain. Avoid positions that put extra friction on areas that inflamed.

Resist the urge to feel guilty about sticking to only some positions; chances are, you partner cares about pleasing you, not channeling a porn star.

Above all, have fun with it. Stop any negative thoughts that's start to get you down and remember that you're having sex to have fun and be intimate with your partner.

Vulvar Vestibulitis can be a very confusing illness to have. Because I've spent so much time researching Vulvar Vestibulitis, I have created a newsletter to help other women make sense of it all.

Comments (13)

Wrangler Girl88 · about 7 years ago

Wonderful advice, thank you! I also want to add that Lidocaine may affect your partner. I currently use 2% lidocaine gel, and apply around my vagina opening since that's where I feel the most pain - during penetration. My partner told me that he thinks the lidocaine numbs the tip of his penis as well, and he's somewhat "desensitized", but not to the point that we can't finish having sex. However, this was without a condom. We now use condoms and he hasn't had a problem since.

Megan2010 · about 7 years ago

Great advice! I use the Lidocain 5% and i didn't feel any pain!
Im so excited. We did use a condom and waited for about 10 minutes after i put it on, and my partner didn't feel the numbness as i did, so thats good.

Sebby · almost 7 years ago

brillant! im gonna ask my dr for this Lidocain :-)

Freedom · over 4 years ago

My female urogynecologist noticed that I had spasms in my vagina and, believe it or not!, gave me Botox 2 shots in imy vagina where she felt them. They, of course, numbed the area first. It worked nicely! I've had the series of 2 shots done again and it lasted for several months. Now, I've become intuned to feeling these spasms and know when it's time to get the shots again ...AND how to have successful and pleasant relations with my patient and loving husband. ( by starting slowly and with a generous amount of artificial lubricating jelly) ....I believe that these spasms could be a result of my Interstitial cystitis...?? Hope this helps someone! Botox isn't just for the face! LOL

Freedom · over 4 years ago

My Urogynecologist also gave me Lidocaine for my urethra for mild burning probably from my Interstitial Cystitis. I have had several bladder instillations but still had some burning when i urinated and some swelling of my clitorus. They can instill it for you at the office or you can use the Lidocaine and insertion tube given from a prescription and do it yourself at home. Works nicely!

Suffering In S.F. · about 4 years ago

I'm 47 years old. I've been suffering with Interstitial Cystitis for about 15 years, although when I got pregnant 12 years ago it went into remission until five years ago, but came back when I went through my divorce 4 years ago, and now Vulvar Vestibulitis the past year very badly. Have had Botox in the Pelvic Floor Muscles for the spasms in the Pelvic Floor Muscles, which have helped with the pain in the bladder and stomach. The Lidocaine has burned me so bad, so they have made a compound from a compound pharmacy of 5% Lidocaine with White Petroleum. It has helped, but I'm now immune to it it seems. Sex just kills me. The opening is quite raw always and the inside just burns no matter what my doctor does. We are doing now a series of vaginal nerve blocks. Not working. I'm on Topomax and Gabapentin for the neuropathy, but having horrible side effects from the Gabapentin, where I cannot concentrate and do my work in the afternoon, so we are weaning off of it. My boyfriend of 2 years left me five months ago, as he couldn't handle the not having sex and the pain he was causing me. It's such a hard disease to deal with. I am to the point I feel I cannot ever have a relationship, as I cannot have sex due to the pain. It's so depressing.........

Ren · about 4 years ago

I have had a little issue for years with painfull intercourse. Since I had a hysterectomy it has gotten alot worse. I found out today what is causing the pain. My doctor is wonderfull. He got it on my second vist. Thats right its VVS. Wow! What a bomb. My husband has been so supportive for the last five years that I think every thing will be fine. Thank goodness there are things we can try. WOW!!

Scmomof3 · almost 4 years ago

I have had vulvar vestibulitis for as long as I can remember (I'm 48). However, I have gotten some great relief for the last five years and thought I would share with you! I started seeing a vulvar specialist in AZ about five years ago. At the initial exam, he told me he could have me fixed in about three months. I was in shock. I cried even. I was very disbelieving but hopeful at the same time. I am happy to tell you that he was right! He prescribed me hydrocortisone cream to use at the opening and a hydrocortisone suppository for the vagina. This may shock you, but he also numbed me and gave me a shot of estrogen in the vulva, at the opening. I didn't feel it since I was numb. By the three months, I was able to have intercourse without pain. First time ever. I'm just on maintenance now. I see him about every six months for a vaginal estrogen shot. I don't need the hydrocortisone anymore. I use estradiol cream compounded with Crisco three times a week, both inserting it and applying just a small amount to the opening. I hope this information is helpful. I feel like it was a miracle!!!!

Chand · almost 4 years ago

please sum1 help me, its been almost 2 years and more sicn ei have been married and still no Sex,,,,i love my husband he loves me, but nothing is working, i have been going doctors left right and cetnre, been seeinging the one of the examaners still no help, i just dnt get wet any more and always thinkn abt sex, thati cant wait 2 do it, but i am sick of it not happening. wat can i do? docs are always saying finger your self but i cant even do dat?

Mrs Davis · almost 4 years ago

scmomof3- Who have you been seeing in Phoenix? I also live in Phoenix and am looking for a vulvar specialist.

Greensx · over 3 years ago

i was diagnosed with vulvodynia a few years ago, im 21 and ive had the pain for about 5 years, until aboutb3 months ago i 2 urine/kidney infections a month over the past 5 years and was given anti biotic after anti biotic with no attempts to get to the root of my problem, anyway i am on amytriptaline 100mg at night & gabapentin 1800mg spaced through out the day (sorry my spelling is more than likely incorrect) as well as tramadol, & your every day pain killers. I have been given estrogen creams, lidocaine 2% gel, ans 5% ointment, aqueous cream and a bunch of other usess creams and NOTHING IS WORKING. its getting worse and worse every day, sex with my partner of 2 years is impossible and surprise surprise its causing alot of problems and im very depressed (oh and my tablet for depression is also meant to help with the pain, clearly isnt helping). Im at my lowest point and have attempted to take my own life - i sound dramatic i know, but for 5 years straight i have had NO pain relief and have no support from my doctor. Im rwally just looking to know what my next options are for pain relief. A 21 year old female shouldnt be going through this alone.
for the first time in a long time my partner and i atywmpted to have sex, the sharp pain that could only bw described as acid on the skin was so intense i vomitted, and was so exhausted i slept for 13 houra atraight. Urination burns and youre lucky if i go once to twice a day.
Please can someone offer me some advice x

Antonia Deona · over 3 years ago

hi babes ive got the same also none of above worked gabriella downy priory bhirmingham has just operated on me im sat here recovering as we speack. she says 95 percent of people she cures xxxx
she is lovely really put my mind at rest ive not made love to my boyfriend for two years and also thought about ending it i know how you feel x

Antonia Deona · over 3 years ago

vestibulectomy is operation to fix this and gabrilla downy and her husband specilise in this xgood luck ive had mine done and am sat on sofa getting better xxxi will let you know in 8 weeks if works they do have 95percent susses rate x

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