DEALING WITH PAINFUL INTERCOURSE
Sex Doesn't Have to Be Painful! You Can Decrease the Intensity and Duration of Your Pain.
This article has been written under the assumption that you've read the article Sex and Vulvar Vestibulitis. So, if you have either a) done what I suggested and are now progressing on to having sex or b) ignored my advice and are having sex anyways (don't worry, I'm not offended) there are several pain management techniques that can help make it a smoother, less painful process.
1) Relax Your Mind Even if you've alleviated most of the baggage associated with having sex, you'll probably be feeling a bit of anxiety reemerge as you get back to having sex.
So first, ask yourself if you really want to or are just doing it out of guilt. If it's guilt, it's time to head back over to your partner for another chat. However, if you find that you really do want to have sex, then the best thing to do is to relax.
There are several ways to do this when it comes to having less painful intercourse. Make sure you feel totally comfortable in your environrment and that you have ample time to do whatever it is you want to do (quickies + Vuvlar Vestibulitis = pain). Do whatever makes you feel happy and stress-free such as a shower together, cuddling, or even watching tv. The relaxation should get your body into a good state of being.
Next, it's best to tackle your thoughts. The things that seems to work best for most women is to have a plan of action against the pain. That way, when negative, anxiety-inducing thoughts start cropping into your mind, you can beat them back with the reassuring thought that you know how to deal with the problem. Whenever you feel anxious, go over your plan to elimiate pain.
2) Prepare Your first line of defense when it come to pain is Lidocaine (or any other 'caine' medications that your doctor prescribed for numbing the afflicted area). It should be used about 10 minutes prior to intercourse. The easiest way to use it is to ask for the liquid (not gel) version of lidocaine (2%-5%) and soak a cotton ball in it. Then insert the cotton ball into the opening of your vagina for several minutes or until numb.
The longer the lidocaine stays on your skin, the better it will work so don't put it on and then do anything that would have it rub off. Keep the lidocaine by your bed so that you can reapply as necessary.
Next, make sure your your lubricant is also by your bed. The less friction you place on the inflamed/irritated skin, the better.
3) Foreplay Now that you're starting to be ready mentally and physically for some action, it's important to get going with lots of foreplay. You'll start to feel good both about having sex again and you're body will adjust accordingly.
It's of vital importance for pain management that you're well lubricated so you need both lots of foreplay and and lots of lubricant (out of the two, I'd say foreplay is most important). Ask for whatever you need to get warmed up (note: if you're into oral sex, you might have to hold off on the lidocaine for a bit or end up with a partner with a numb mouth).
Many women have found that it helps to get used to penetration again by starting off with fingers or toys before getting to the real deal.
4) Lubricate, Lubricate, and then Lubricate some more Well, the title pretty much speaks for it but I do have some suggestions for what lubricants work best. As a general rule, always buy water-based and unscented lubricants. You want to go for as natural of a product as you can to limit exposure to harsh chemicals.
The best lubricants that I have found are:
* Carrageenan Personal Lubricants * Yes Organic Personal lubricant (water-based only) * Good Clean Love * Wet Original (it really is last on the list but it's the one you'll find the easiest)
There are also options for totally natural lubricants (these are for those of you who are very sensitive to chemicals in products):
* Coconut oil * almond oil * olive oil (my problem with this one is smelling like a stir-fry but it works like a charm for some women)
5) Choose positions that work for you This problem is kind of fun to deal with since you get to experiment until you find the positions that allow you to have the most amount of pleasure with the least amount of pain. Avoid positions that put extra friction on areas that inflamed.
Resist the urge to feel guilty about sticking to only some positions; chances are, you partner cares about pleasing you, not channeling a porn star.
Above all, have fun with it. Stop any negative thoughts that's start to get you down and remember that you're having sex to have fun and be intimate with your partner.
Vulvar Vestibulitis can be a very confusing illness to have. Because I've spent so much time researching Vulvar Vestibulitis, I have created a newsletter to help other women make sense of it all.